...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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