wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
