I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
