I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she looked like the before picture.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
