none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
