I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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