she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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