he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
