i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
are you so shy because you have an std?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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