and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
