I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
