my mouth tastes like poor choices
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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