I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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