Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize