so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just puked most of my soul out..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
