It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There r osticjed everywhere
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
