Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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