he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
third nipple confirmed
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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