i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We have started to decorate penises.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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