I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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