you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pooping to opera.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize