Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
