I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
is that a dick in a sweater?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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