its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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