does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
