it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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