Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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