hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
