It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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