I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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