you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
