No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
