Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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