It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
