found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
