Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize