my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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