Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
