I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
