dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
