Already got asked if we're dating
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
