oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
