I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
