So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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