just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
