Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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