i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
