Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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