I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
