I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
