I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
