Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
