and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have fence marks all over my body
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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