I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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