do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
