Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
