I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
