Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
