Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
