Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
