yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
