i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
