she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
