Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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